Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
