It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
