we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
