I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
