before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
