Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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