oh god the rape fog is back!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
