4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
