dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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