They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
