I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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