well I can't set my house on fire every night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
