Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please, let me fuck your mom
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
