so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize