Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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