He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Even my vagina gasped.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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