I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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