Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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