Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
