Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
