saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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