It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
