im drinking this country out of the recession.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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