So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
