i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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