no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
