I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
