We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
