so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
