I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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