i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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