it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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