I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
