In the future we'll all be gay
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
