On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
