4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
