what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize