Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
