Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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