Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
