no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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