i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
