As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
