I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
