The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
