i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need to sanitize my soul.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
