Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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