Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
