the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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