k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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