This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
