Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How's work?
Spinning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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