erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
