We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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