Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize