do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
