Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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