Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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