I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
