Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
