i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
