And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
