take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
