This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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