I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
