Can Purell be used as lube?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
