I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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