More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
