Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
