Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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