HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
