There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
